You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
