Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize