I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
