The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
vagina is talking i cant
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
