so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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