i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
