you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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