Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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