so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
