it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
