Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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