you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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