I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
