i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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