Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
