Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
