Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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