So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
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I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
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If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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