I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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