I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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