worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
