do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
