I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
