Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have fence marks all over my body
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
