I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
