Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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