I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How does one acquire holy water?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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