halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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