We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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