that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
