I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
