I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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