Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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