Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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