I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
