yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There's always time for handjobs
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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