I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
