you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
