so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
