WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
