dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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