if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
As shirtless as possible
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
