I wish I could teleport
My friends, they love my intelligence
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
