If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
