i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
