K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
