please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
