Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize