I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
