when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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