need another drink. this is the easiest way
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
