While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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