he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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