kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
