You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
