I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
