the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i will never coherently bang her
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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