ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
