I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You smell like stripper and shame
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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