got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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