rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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