I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
