So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
