I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
