Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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