I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sorry about my life...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
