have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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