I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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