This is not my ceiling
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
