I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
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Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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