There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
