The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
