My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
