U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
