yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
