Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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