i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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