i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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