dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He kissed a someone with a penis
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
