Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
