meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
